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            清江霜降白紅梅

            2017-12-25 11:09:47作者:林可行打印訂閱
            [導讀]白色的紅梅就是白紅梅,這個名字美麗而富有詩意,她是一種頑強的生命力的象征。她既有自然的色彩,又保留了自己的本色,因而她永遠美麗,永遠充滿生機。

             

             

             

             

            微信圖片_20171225110548.jpg

             

              一生漂泊,半生蹉跎,賣文為生,客聚北京20年。三十功名塵與土,人近60老身殘,榮華富貴,昨日今日恍如夢。

              心灰意冷的人。夜半時常驚醒,無奈之中溫半杯殘酒,手握杯中的一把鄉愁,在回憶中打發半夜的時光。

              我年幼喪母,幼時寄養遠親近鄰,生飲冷食尋常事。1969年,為求溫飽追隨表姐投奔姑父于千里之外,寄讀于東風航運小學,初識同班,身世坎坷與我一樣可憐的女孩白紅梅,稍長西北從軍,戍邊守疆于天山腳下,后棄武從文,50年來的足跡遍布大江南北。顛沛流離,蹉跎歲月,暮年回首,不知今夕何年,故鄉在何方,思親之情與日俱增。

              1985,回淮陰省親,從表妹口中得知,當年家境貧寒的白紅梅,如今已成為市醫院的一名白衣天使。

              1997年,回淮陰奔喪。從東風小學的同學那里得知,曾經做過護士的白紅梅,因下崗自主創業,成功開辦淮陰第一家大型民營書店,在當地早已是新聞人物。我暗自在心里想,這兩年我的書時有上圖書排行榜,只要是生意好的書店,店中一定會賣我的書,可能她不會想到,那個叫林可行的暢銷書作家,就是她的小學同學林自勇。

              從那以后,因為國內日益嚴格的新聞檢查制度,圖書市場逐漸萎縮,網絡時代的到來,又給實體書行業帶來了更沉重的打擊,大型的民營書店,紛紛倒閉,圖書市場一片風雨飄搖,我的作品的銷量也逐漸下滑,從過去的銷量30萬,直到后來的不足5000冊,整個出版業舉步維艱,我的日子也一天比一天難過。最終,因為我的北京世圖圖書工作室倒閉,而被迫離開了北京,離開了出版行業,成了一名無所事事的行吟詩人。或呼朋引伴于街頭酒肆,或獨自酒醒在江湖碼頭,沉淪頹廢之態畢現。一個來自社會底層的,沒有靠山沒有背景的平民百姓,在這個官宦當道權貴橫行的叢林社會,努力一生求得溫飽已實屬不易,如果要想在體制外抓住一次機會,創業干一番事業則更難。但,我格外關注的是這位下崗創業同學的命運。

              在這之后,我多次回淮陰,卻再也沒有聽到她的消息。

              2016年,表姐的女兒結婚。我帶著老婆和孩子全家一起回淮陰探親 ,終于再次聽到了我的這位同學的消息。她不僅是一位已經小有名氣的陳氏太極拳的拳師,而且創辦了自己的嬰幼兒推拿保健館,為他人撫嬰育子排憂解難。這時的她,在我眼中的那個瘦弱單薄的身材,驟然變得高大起來。一個出身貧寒,來自社會底層的弱女子,是如何走過讀書,就業,下崗,創業,再創業這一條艱辛漫長的道路,她需要具備何等的堅強意志?

              而我這個自以為讀過萬卷書,行過萬里路的大丈夫,在這個奇女子面前卻顯得是如此的渺小。十足的好奇心,讓我非常希望有機會能再一次見到這位小學女同學。或許,她可以讓我明白一些書中沒有的人生道理。

              2017年冬,我因為心臟病多次發作 ,最后一次帶成年的女兒回淮陰省親,在小學同學的安排下 ,終于,在淮海西路的一家小飯館里,我見到了白紅梅。

              歲月不饒人,40年的風霜我早已是滿頭白發。而當年那個黃頭發,又黑又瘦的白紅梅,雖然也是五十好幾,卻是身影矯健,滿頭青絲,皮膚白里透紅。或許是因為我們身世相近,都有著凄慘的不幸的童年,或許早在童年的時候,我們都把彼此當做苦難的伙伴,命運相同的孩子,雖然相隔了40多年,我們從未見過面,在她走進酒倆人相遇的那一刻,我們彼此一眼就認出了對方。她的目光既親切,又充滿了回憶的味道,讓人感到既熟悉又充滿了信任。這是一種看到兒時的伙伴才有的目光,她的目光里還有一個問號,或許是因為她難以理解,壯年的我為何己是白發蒼蒼。

              她在我不遠處落座,讓我感到我們彼此之間沒有距離,同時也感覺到溫暖,苦難讓我們更容易理解對方。她不僅是一名拳師,更讓我感覺到她身上有一種知識女性的味道。而讓我感到驚訝的是,歲月僅僅是使她變的格外老練更加成熟,但沒有留下一絲滄桑的痕跡,更沒有讓我們感覺到陌生。我不急不躁的詢問起,她的過去和現在,還有她三哥華樂意,那也是我兒時的好伙伴。

              直到酒宴散,又到了分手的時候,我還是不理解她為何有如此大的變化。離開蘇北40年,我早已不適應蘇北那公交車沒有空調,住宅樓沒有中央供暖設備的嚴酷環境。與北京和武漢相比較,淮安是一個更接近自然的城市,無論是人文環境還是生活在城市中的人,都保留了更多的自然的東西。

              我想了整整一個晚上。兩天后的一個寒風凜冽的早晨,我在離開淮陰前,去養父母墓地掃墓,雖然春天就要到來了,天氣卻是讓我感到徹骨的寒冷。當車經過運河邊的時候。我看到寒氣籠罩的清江岸邊,有一排掛滿白霜的開滿鮮花的樹,在白霧之中隱藏著眩暈的紅,既脆弱又隱喻著堅強的生命力,表現出鮮花在冰天雪地中那種極致的美,一株株悄然挺立,玉樹臨風 。因為天剛亮,車廂里非常安靜,我低聲問坐在身邊的二姐夫:清江岸上的是什么花?二姐夫抬頭看了一眼窗外,告訴我那是臘梅花,因為強風降溫花上面掛了白霜,所以,遠遠得看去有點像白色的紅梅。

              白色的紅梅就是白紅梅,這個名字美麗而富有詩意,她是一種頑強的生命力的象征。她既有自然的色彩,又保留了自己的本色,因而她永遠美麗,永遠充滿生機。

             

             

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