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            在書房

            2015-03-02 11:12:59作者:陳應松打印訂閱
            [導讀]在書房。這是一件美妙的事情。無需紅袖添香,只愛夜雨秋燈。這是一種嗜好,一種心境。一本書,一個夜晚。春夜冬夜都行,我的書房四季如春。

                    在書房。這是一件美妙的事情。無需紅袖添香,只愛夜雨秋燈。這是一種嗜好,一種心境。一本書,一個夜晚。春夜冬夜都行,我的書房四季如春。各種各樣的書都想翻一翻,各種質地,是一種嗜癖。書房可能是我們的另一個枕頭,另一種休憩的臥榻。我自己,我是將書房當作我的鄉土的。我的靈魂長期在覓食生涯中游蕩,不得安寧。電話、短信、郵件……也不知道為什么在這個十分陌生的地方(城市吧)被許多人盯上了。而且還得身不由己地回答,生怕怠慢了人家。太累。即便像我這樣完全不喜交際,非常被動生活的人, 也是有這么多“騷擾”。唉,躲進書房,就躲進了故鄉。再俗一點說,就躲進了母親的子宮。徜徉,栽種,都行。假設有鄉有土,假設在那兒種瓜得瓜,種瓜得豆,或者干脆是荒年。再假設在那些書里稿紙里,聞到了從小熟悉的氣味,那是太好了。沒有的,自己想象唄,創造唄。書房成了我的農場,偷他人的菜,種自己的菜。有自己的種子,有他人的種子。人退守、退守……最后書房成了唯一的堡壘,在那里茍延殘喘,負隅頑抗。或者休生養息、自得其樂。人的一生是一個不斷退守的過程,也是丟盔卸甲的過程。剩下的東西不多了,你鐘愛的,總是保守在最后。幾本破舊的書在淘汰和搬遷的不停折騰中,什么都丟棄了,最后竟讓這些不停地打捆,不停地拆開,為怎樣捆得結實不致散落而耗盡心機、耗盡力氣的書,為找很多理由不致扔掉、說服自己是有價值的書,積積攢攢組成了如今一個龐大輝煌的書房,讓它成為我們心靈的據點。書有自己寫的,也有別人寫的。擁有這么多,你坐著,欣賞著,巡視著,就像一個財主數錢。哦,很好,這很好,這太好了。我是這個房子的主人。要擁有一間這樣的房子,我夢寐以求的就是要擁有這么一間以書籍來隔絕世界的城堡。這些四處搜集來的“磚頭”,砌豬圈的,砌皇宮的,砌虛榮的、遮羞的、掩惡的、化妝的、賣笑的、獻媚的、說謊的“磚頭”——書,詞語,跟隨我顛沛流離,千里遷徙,不離不棄,稱得上偉大愛情的典范。是的,這些書。這些疲倦的、陳舊的、進入歷史的書,這些文字,這些思想,這些過時迂腐的說辭,這些古人的智慧和經驗,經過我擺放,很漂亮了,裝飾了最為靚麗的柜子, 打上燈光,再配之以世界各地搜集來的飾物、紀念品、宗教的器物,非常有形了,像一個人,一個帥哥,一個有檔次和身份的人。我們這些人,這些所謂的讀書人,要像保存江湖秘籍和傳世家譜一樣,精心地保護它們,穿過千山萬水,越過荊棘荒原。這些書,是我們的命根子。

                本不是書香門第,卻愛耕讀傳家。我的父親很愚笨,是個文盲;我的母親很聰明,也是個文盲。但他們再難再苦也要保證我讀書。他們說:養兒不讀書,只當養頭豬。我因此讀著讀著,讀成如今這副迂腐模樣。對這個社會的一切不再有興趣,甚至嘲笑官員和商人,認為他們不讀書沒書房是怎么活的?有什么意義?也嘲笑那些把書房當作出征前夜的厲害角色,也弄了一些文字,卻四處招搖。書房是他們隱秘制造假冒偽劣產品的不義之地。對他們,沒有退守一說,人生永遠是進攻,進攻,人生就是攻城掠地、攫取名利的瘋狂競賽,書是旗幟、幌子也是盾牌。書房是虎帳龍潭,硝煙彌漫。踏著他人的鮮血,滿足自己的野心。

            我的書房里當然是好書。至少有三十本以及三百本是我特別喜歡的書。也可能只有三本是我至愛的書。有時候,常常,非常安靜,非常快速地安靜下來。因為那些書,那些高人寫的文字,就像他們親自陪伴著你,看著你。要跟他們一樣調整呼吸。要學他們的作派。這是無聲的榜樣。這些有好文字也有好為人師的高手,就是在教你怎么生活和寫作,寫什么樣的?有什么招式?有什么追求?你認為是最好的文字,你就要寫最好的文字,不降低標準,不投降,不屈服。學著他們。師傅就在書柜里,我是放在桌子上的。每天讓自己受折磨。讓他嘲笑你的文字,鄙視你的筆力。“你不配!”他們說。偉大的文字,我是要乞求的,請你們再等一下我,我行。請讓我學著你們的筆,進入你們的云端。有的書沉,有的書輕,有的豎著寒光閃閃的刃口,不小心會劃傷我們,包括心。但被我摩挲多年的書,殘了頁,封面也軟弱無力,皺皺巴巴像個老人。我會時常翻開它變黃變脆的書頁。它里面的思想和智慧越來越深邃,越來越亮堂,越來越親切,也越來越蒼老。他知道我:“你也想寫一本這樣的書?”是的,我是這么想的。我渴望。我發誓。我攢著勁。因為,我幾十年與你們為伍,我拜你們為師, 我琢磨著你們,與你們同呼吸共命運。那一柜子我寫的書都不過是垃圾,我只想寫一本,靠近你們的書。模樣兒有點像,說話的口氣,方式,架勢,狠狠地傾泄,幽默,大度,結構,小文章,大體積。不狂,不躁,隨意,心口一致,本色,高不可攀的微笑和優雅……
             
            在書房。我知道我要敬業,要吃苦耐勞,要忘掉一切。沒有那么容易的事情。一本穿越歷史、時間和國界的書,到達一個你喜歡的人的手中,會要一百年,或者五百年,一千年。還要讓別人珍藏,更是太難太難了。不要理會那些不喜歡你的人。全心全意地為你喜歡的人寫作。或者,這個人還沒出生也不要緊。 在很遠很遠的地方,一個人珍藏著你的書,你要愛她。是的,你只愛她。
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